GRATITUDE JOURNAL – DAY 5 – Dedication

I’ve written about this one before. Rick Redman taught me this valuable lesson without knowing it. When I started the band that became the Invincible Czars, Rick was the first to join me way back in 2002. After months practicing with just his trumpet, my guitar and the Roland R8 drum machine, I started feeling discouraged.

 

One day Rick called before we were supposed to get together and I couldn’t bear to come over and run through the songs again for what seemed like no reason.  Rick seemed baffled and just came to my place anyway for “some run-throughs.”  I’d never had someone simply come over in spite one of my bouts of negativity.  

 

He did come over.  We did some run-throughs and I felt better. Rick kept the faith that we’d one day have a whole band. It took months but we eventually did and Rick set a goal to play at Emo’s*. I laughed. It’d be a long time.

 

Then a few months later we’d done it. I stopped laughing at Rick’s goals.

 

In 2004, Rick ***hated*** the idea of us doing the Nutcracker music that December. He did it anyway. He didn’t always smile but he did it. There were moments during the lead up to that first holiday show that I lost faith in what I was doing. Just wished the date would come and go and be done with. But I didn’t quit because the band now had a history of not quitting thanks a lot to Rick.

 

I finished the arrangements just in time for the show. That night, it sold out. And then suddenly a bunch of people knew who we were and we had gigs booked for the next year and we were in The Austin Chronicle and The Austin American-Statesman and even some newspapers out of town. 10 years later we’d played nearly every notable holiday event in the state.

 

This was another snowball sent down a mountain.15 years later, I no longer think of myself as a quitter and I don’t think many other people who know me do either. Thank you, Rick, for dropping that snowball and teaching me the value of powering through.

 

*This was the old Emo’s location, not the huge event space it is today.

GRATITUDE JOURNAL – Day 3 – Siblings

 

I think only-children are missing out!

 

My siblings were really my closest social group until I moved out of my parents’ house. Our little society of 3 (and later 4) required us to learn how to live with different personality types – how to keep from killing each other but also how to work together and face crises.  Our house was pretty dynamic.

 

I’m the the Peter Pan of the bunch – a big dreamer but also a tease. Sage is a born competitor and that served her well as the only girl. Sean was/is the biggest but also the most mellow. He loved video games and computers. Tucker’s the baby – so much younger than me he was almost more like my child than my brother. He was very friendly with irresistible blond curls that everyone wanted to touch.

 

Our order made a difference in our experience with our parents. I was terrified of adults and took everything my parents said to heart. Sage was more rebellious and less fearful. She’s a survivor and saw how to make things work to her advantage. She learned to speak at an early age and would just tell my parents whatever the hell she wanted. Mom says Sage acted like she was the mother. It took me reaching adulthood to see the value of Sage’s ways and finally adopt some of them.

 

Sean had a very different experience with my parents. By the time he showed up, they’d softened their stances on lots of stuff. Sean actually laughed (he laughed!) when spanked. This was inspiring to Sage and me and I think it actually helped us – we saw that there could be a different response to some of the scary things that happened. Sean was very young during my family’s darkest years. Sage and I were older and more aware. We saw some pretty scary stuff and were old enough to be confused by our relatively young parents’ sometimes opposing standards and behavior. Stuff was volatile. We adjusted and prepared emotionally, mentally. I know I woke up daily wondering if the family was going to collapse.

 

But Sean thought everything was fine!  Everything was water off a duck’s back for the kid who laughed while being spanked! Sean also enjoyed the luxury of being bigger than everyone his age and he dominated in athletics and really everything. Nothing seemed to scare him. I thought he might grow up to be a bully but instead he just continued mellowing. I often refer to him as a silent aggressive.  Not passive aggressive just quietly dominating. Play a game with him and you’ll think you’re doing fine until he gracefully eradicates your hopes in a single maneuver without you even noticing and then asks if you want to play again in the least gloating way possible. I learned from that example.

 

 

Tucker had his own journey that must’ve been extremely difficult. He’s possibly the smartest of the four and he was so much younger than the rest of us that his late childhood years were practically spent as an only child. He grew up super quick, though, when a few events beyond his control thrust him into some very difficult situations as a young teenager.  That experience has made him wise beyond his years. Tucker can be totally quiet or super fun and boisterous.

 

Writing this has made me realize, I need to stay in better touch with my sister and brothers.

 

Thank you, Sage, Sean and Tucker for loving me, never forgetting me and helping me, your older and more turbulent brother who hopefully didn’t damage your early views of the world with pretzels sticks up the nostrils, permanent marker tattoos of your initials across your entire back or just barely not touching you at breakfast. I’m so grateful that we had the opportunity to live all under one roof for our formative years I hope I enriched your lives as much as you did mine.

 

And I’m sorry for the pretzel sticks in the nostrils while you were sleeping, Sage.

 

 

 

Gratitude Journal – DAY 1 – Responsibility

Henry Q Vines suggested I start a gratitude journal.  So I did. Feeling gratitude is great but when I ended my first entry, I realized that the part about “brightening others lives” is really important to me. Much of my gratitude is for the actions of others. I think it’s important that they know I’m grateful. I’ve been going through hell this year. I’m sure I’m not alone. I hope this effort can help others and help the people to/for whom I’m grateful.  Thank you for reading it.

RESPONSIBILITY

I’m grateful that my parents taught me to be responsible. When I say they taught me, I mean that they not only gave me verbal guidance and encouragement but also gave me opportunities to BE responsible. They always let me make my own decisions and accept the consequences – good or bad.  This meant giving me opportunities to mess up- especially when I was young.

 

Sometimes I felt like a baby bird learning to fly by simply being pushed over the edge of the nest.  “Flap hard! Good luck!” But those early lessons were extremely effective. When I had a check bounce at the age of 17, the experience of being charged a fee by both the bank and the payee and STILL having actually pay for whatever it was I (thought I had) bought was visceral. I saw quickly the wormhole of fees that society has laid out for us. It’s actually frightful. It’s one reason that the poor stay poor – they find themselves in a cycle of compounding fees often turning to even-worse payday loans and other forms of usury.

 

But I also saw the other side of the coin.  Money and time can compound IN YOUR FAVOR that same Wormhole. The best example I can think of is home-ownership. In a mortgage, your early payments are almost nothing but interest. In a breakdown of my first year of payments on my first home, my $1100/month was only paying about $100 of principle. By the end of the year, we owned $1200 of a $138K home. Not inspiring.

 

However, when we sold the house and I got $17K five years later I realized that if I’d been renting, that number would’ve been $0. You have to live somewhere so why not buy into your own life by building equity for yourself instead renting someone else’s?

 

I’ve had relatively very little debt in my life thanks to my parents’ early teachings. Other than homes, education, cars and the occasional business investment, I’ve hardly ever carried a credit card balance from month to month. I have the best credit score of just about anyone I know (who’s shared). I learned this from my parents.

This carried over into personal matters. I learned early on that my actions and decisions affected those around me. Sometimes the hard way. Our family had/has its fair share of turmoil and dysfunction but we have learned to power through and stick together even when we’re not getting along because we see that each of us contributes to the problems we face and the solutions to those problems.

In my young adult years, this translated into the idea that saying yes to something often meant saying no to something else.  I knew that finishing a degree and getting a “real job” was counter-intuitive to my goals of being a touring musician. The cost and responsibility of doing that wouldn’t allow me much freedom to be broke and fulfilled. (On the other hand, being a musician hasn’t allowed me much of the freedom/convenience money can buy. I think I chose best, though.) It took a long time for my parents to buy into my dream but after 20+ years, I think they’ve figured out it’s not just a phase.

Saying yes/no came to head for me as musician when I moved to Austin in 1999. It’s easy to over-commit. Every year or so, I’d find myself saying “no” to things I cared about in order to please others who wanted my time – often for activities and projects that I knew would never go anywhere. Opportunities turned to obligations quickly. I can remember spending a Sunday afternoon going between three rehearsals — after having a show the night before! It took a long time to get past that but these days I’ve been focusing on the things I care about most – especially my relationships with family and friends. I’ve tried to brighten others’ lives even when I’ve not felt particularly bright. Maybe even when they’re actively trying to darken mine.

 

And that’s ultimately the best lesson I’ve ever learned. We are responsible for our own happiness – only you can make you happy and you can always choose your response. You can choose to be happy. It’s not always easy. In fact it almost never is.

 

My parents are not perfect but they rolled snowball down the mountain of my life when they put my name on their credit card account in my high school years. It just gets bigger as it slowly works its way down. Thank you, Mom and Dad!

 

Rock Solid Licks: Lessons From Another Stage

by guest blogger David Wyatt.

DavidWyatt_SolidGold40

The year was 1994. I was 21, heartbroken, and was lucky enough to meet a couple of other super-talented—also heartbroken musicians by the name of David Craig and Jasper Benson. We started like most of the musicians we knew: with a Tascam 4-track in someone’s living room and a handful of mediocre songs with a couple of promising gems. In those early days, there was no hint of what was to come.

 

After several months, we named ourselves “Solid Gold 40” and got a full band together. To me, this was nothing short of extraordinary because I really had no musical background other than listening to it. Never played in bands. Never took music lessons. And I had only really been seeing live music actively for 3-4 years maybe. But we just so happened to meet up in Austin, Texas where there were plenty of clubs and gigs and people had an appetite to play and listen. So for a few years, we just wrote songs and managed to get on some bills and earn our stripes.

 

At one point, when we were playing in coffee shops (no kidding, we had a puppet show open for us like on This Is Spinal Tap) we realized that our bassist didn’t own a bass or know the songs… so we were just as well off calling someone up from the audience. So we cleaned out the rhythm section and started looking for a new line-up. One day when auditioning bassists, one guy stopped and packed up after an hour of playing and said, “I’m just not ready to lead a band.” At the time, we thought that was hilarious and pretty ridiculous, but looking back I can recognize that we didn’t exactly have our act together.

 

Just about every band has one person that does most of the other stuff: booking, making posters, getting merch, ordering CDs, etc. As we started figuring out the things you were supposed to do to get people to know about your band, I became that guy. It wasn’t a conscious choice so much as I got something out of it and seemed to be motivated to see that it happened. But at the time, I didn’t consider myself the “leader” of the band. I was the guitarist (not even the good one) and I wrote songs. I certainly wasn’t in charge. I remember one time on tour when I brought up the idea that if we ever got signed, would I get a bigger cut or something, and a couple of bandmates were incredulous. To me, it made sense, but I guess they didn’t see it that way. In hindsight, I realize that they neither asked me to do all that stuff nor did they probably realize what  it involved. That was my issue. Still, it was about that time that I started to resent my role a little.

 

Being ‘that band member’ is not all posters and buttons. You spend your non practice time prepping song charts and figuring out how you book or promote a tour. Often you put a lot of money into it and a whole lot of steep-learning-curve time. If you are successful at it, then that is rewarding, but often others don’t seem to notice.

 

While we had some great songs, but out a record and a half, toured twice, and put on some epic shows… ultimately, Solid Gold 40 was a legend in our own minds. I say that with all the love and warmth in the world. Our accomplishments were local and personal, but they were big and mattered nonetheless. I still believe we had potential for other places, but it just wasn’t meant to be. We disbanded in 2001.

Solid Gold 40. l-r Jasper Benson, Rebekah Whitehurst, David Craig, Philip White, David Wyatt.

Solid Gold 40. l-r Jasper Benson, Rebekah Whitehurst, David Craig, Philip White, David Wyatt.

 

In the decade and a half since, I’ve played in a few other bands and have found myself at odds with assuming the bandleader role. I don’t know if it is in an effort to get others to do their part or a reluctance to find myself resentful or even vulnerable in that “I went for it” sort of way. That said, even though I’m not a full-time band leader like my one-time bandmate Josh Robins (another band, another story, another time), I learned a lot from that experience—about myself and the way things work. I apply these lessons in my life, in my company, and even in fatherhood. Here are a few of the high points:

 

+ Just ask: A lot of things like booking or media coverage or partnering with bands or odd venues seem out of reach, but what you learn when you are trying to put a show or tour together is “all they can say is no”. When we released our cassette (insert old guy joke here) we had the idea to do a rooftop show like the Beatles and U2. We picked the top of the Barnes & Noble on the drag across from the UT campus and then we just asked if we could do it. They agreed and—while we got shut down by the cops after 6-7 songs—it was a great experience and led to our CD release on a party boat, which may have just been the best show we ever played. Years later, I still use that spirit of ‘why not’ to get things done.

 

+ Fake it until you make it: I’ve never been a great musician. I’m a fair songwriter and a mediocre singer and guitarist. In fact, the driving force behind playing guitar was just to write songs. But then I found myself in a band and called on to do a solo, etc. I’m still a pretty average player, but I learned to do it with gusto and to have confidence. Turns out that can go a long way.

 

+ Give the crowd what they’re screaming for: Early on we had sea shanties and disco songs and noise bits. Those were all a part of the process of finding our best sound, but we discovered that the interest from the audiences and the clubs didn’t come until we got focused. That’s not to say one should sell out to succeed, but I believe there’s a wisdom in doing what’s clearly working for you. In my flower delivery job around the same time, I called it “go where the green lights take you” meaning the marketplace will tell you what it wants—even in art. See also: Louis Blacks’ “Advice for artists, inspired during the whirlwind of SXSW 2005” from The Austin Chronicle.

 

+ When you stand on tables, sometimes you bust your ass: I am a proponent of showmanship vs. shoe-gazing. Over the years, this has evolved from colorful costumes to running around the club antics. On one West coast tour, we ended up at our Oakland destination and they didn’t even seem to remember we were booked. WE had an audience of maybe 8 people, but weren’t going to let that stop us from melting their faces off. So, on the first song, I strapped on my double neck guitar and stepped onto a chair and empty table up front—whereupon it slid away and put me flat on my back like Charlie Brown with the football yanked away. I had the wind knocked out of me but I played my intro any way. It didn’t make it any less great. In fact, it made it moreso.

 

+ Hard work is it’s own reward: As I look back on those Solid Gold 40 days and the bands I’ve played in since, I realize that regardless of my aspirations or the complicated relationships or what come of it all, every bit of it was worth it. Being in Austin and toiling away at venues that don’t give a shit, it is easy to forget sometimes what a privilege it is to make music with talented people for audiences that want to hear your original ideas. Now, I’ve done a lot of crazy things in the name of rock and roll. I’ve played with bad asses I had no business sharing the stage with and a lot of it was pretty spectacular. I am reminded of a great scene from Man on the Moon, the 1999 movie about Dadaist comedian Andy Kaufman. I have no idea if this was based on something he said but when someone said that the fans weren’t going to get it, he replied “it’s not for them.” In the end, what you have is the experience and if you made it matter.

 

 

David Wyatt is a songwriter, performing musician, business owner, husband, father, and coffee enthusiast. He’s played in bands including Solid Gold 40, Stinky del Negro, Summer Breeze, Magnifico, and The Ron Titter Band. He dedicates this post to his wife Rachel, to Josh, and to his SG40 friends David Craig, Rebekah Whitehurst, Phillip White, and the late great Jasper Benson.

 

Thoughts on the Pro and Artist Mindsets

I had a long and good conversation with a drummer friend and sometimes band mate of mine that got me thinking about the difference between the artist mindset and professional musician mindset.

That’s not say that a pro can’t be an artist or vice versa. It’s also not to say that there’s a hard line between the two mindsets. You can certain have attributes of both. Heck, most of my accidental successes would never have gone anywhere if I hadn’t learned from the pro mindset!

The pro mindset says that we should minimize time (and risk) and maximize dollars earned. It doesn’t necessarily factor in things like personal fulfillment, taste or even quality. Lots of the language like that makes pros laugh. Things like “faith” and “artistic success” don’t pay their bills.

My first real memory of my artistic mindset directly clashing with someone’s pro mindset goes back to 2002. There’s a drummer in Austin who probably would’ve been a great drummer for The Invincible Czars but couldn’t get past the idea that we were willing to play for practically nothing. He was cool and good at his audition but if there was no money, there was no him, period. Not worth the risk.

A young ambitious band just starting out would never have played a first gig if we’d demanded a bunch of money. So we went with someone else.

Plus. I felt like he’d always have us by the balls. We were looking for someone to join the band. To share the risk. Someone who believed in what we were doing. More artsy language.

Three drummers and a year later, I’d changed my tune. I realized that if we wanted to play gigs and no drummer would join, all we had to do was pay someone  $50. Cool!  We’re booking gigs again! So I did that for a while.

That’s the great thing about the pro mindset – if your vision doesn’t seem worthwhile to anyone else, you can always pay them to make it worth their while!

But it’s also a curse.

It’s why you see some of the most skilled drummers in the world playing four-on-the-floor drum beats all night in pop and country bands – groups that play music people instantly love (cover bands are the best example) make more money… and in the case of drummers that music is usually very easy!

As soon as someone else offers that person more money, you either have to pay the higher price or find someone else. Suddenly you’re spending more time managing contract labor than making music.

Additionally, just because someone has a pro mindset doesn’t mean they have pro chops. There are plenty of mediocre bass players and drummers out there that are used to being paid $100 to play music they don’t even need to practice to play masterfully. If you want someone to play actual arrangements, the price goes up.  There’re plenty of much easier gigs out there that pay better than learning a whole set of arrangements. They’re happy to just play Mustang Sally night after night.

To pros, the best gigs earn them the most money per hour spent. Individual prep time, group rehearsals, travel time and actual performance time all  cut the value of the gig in their minds.

It’s hard to argue with that in our capitalist society.  If the pay for this gig will be the same whether we give a C- performance or an A+ performance, why give an A+ effort?

But artist are dreamers. We have to have faith that what we’re doing is good, worthy and worthwhile. We have to have faith that we can get there – wherever there is. We make the kind of stuff that gives the pros their jobs and we love what we do so much, we will give an A effort for C pay (or even F pay).

BUT — Pro mindset people can help us learn when shouldn’t!

That year of paying a drummer $50 a show made me permanently much, much picker about what shows to take and how I use group time.

My biggest successes were riskier and more difficult and the practical pro mindset said, “not worth it”.  The potential for C or F pay was high with both The Invincible Czars’ Nutcracker and silent film soundtracks. Building up an audience outside of Austin was very risky. Doing those things took time and sacrifice from me those who wanted to believe. Thank you to those of you who did and do.

Meanwhile, many of the pro-mindset players that were with me along the way are barely even in the music game anymore. I guess they finally figured out something that now renowned producer John Congleton told me nearly 20 years ago (and probably doesn’t remember) — if you’re in the music business to make money, you’re pretty stupid.

I want to end by saying that both mindsets are useful and if matched properly can keep your act on course both creatively and on the business side.  I’ve had more good than bad experiences with pros. Sometimes I had to learn things the hard way with pros who took advantage or just wanted to belittle me. Thank you to the benevolent pros who’ve been willing to do what they do for fair compensation and who did what any real pro does — help pass the torch by educating and giving opportunities instead of just taking my money and delivering a half-assed performance.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Make It, Take It – A Vicious Circle with No Real Winners.

Today’s post isn’t about music. It’s inspired by my thoughts on this article… responding to the ideas that (1) if you hate your job, simply get a better one and (2) that simply working harder will solve your problem.

Stay with me here:

As a kid, I was baffled by the concept of “make it, take it” basketball. In all other versions of the game (and most games), the field is reset after a score and the ball given to the team that didn’t score the goal so as to give them an opportunity to control the ball and keep the game going – or at least interesting.

“Make it, take it” can be interesting between two closely matched opponents but it’s no surprise when a team of adults beats the pants off a team of children in a “make it, take it” match.  Would the children ever even get to touch the ball?

The only people who ever want to play “make it, take it” are the people who KNOW they have a leg up and want to humiliate their opponents by scoring as many points as possible as quickly as possible.  They don’t care about the game.  They only care about power and making themselves feel good.

It’s interesting that you don’t see “make it, take it” in pro sports organizations – where it might actually be interesting! I guess you don’t see the NBA playing “make it, take it” because the games would be pretty boring.

Why?

Because “make it take it” isn’t fun for anyone but the winning players.

I’ve had a lot of experience on the wrong side of “make it, take it” basketball and most of the time the game ends in a forfeit.  Would you buy a ticket or tune into a game that was guaranteed to be a blow out only to end in a humiliating forfeit in the second quarter?  Probably not and the NBA definitely wants to sell ad time and tickets so they have rules to force the obsessed winners (like Michael  Jordan) to play fair so the money keeps flowing into their collective pockets.

We live in a “make it, take it” society but we don’t have a many money-making powers like the NBA to force the obsessed winners of the world to play fair.  The rich get richer.

And they might argue that we live in a “make it, take it” reality. That’s how evolution* works, after all.  Survival of the fittest!

I agree.  But if we’re using the evolution metaphor, where does hard work come into play?  After all, the winners of evolution are BORN with their advantage, they don’t work for it. (Sounds like Paris Hilton!)

The white polar bears near the end of this segment from Cosmos did nothing to gain an advantage over the brown polar bears… other than be born with a mutation they had no control over! (Sounds like Paris Hilton!)

So while the idea of getting a better job makes sense to those for whom it comes easy, actually doing so is difficult for most people – even those with college degrees.  You don’t just go from flipping burgers to managing a department store (or even something as vague as online leads manager to team manager) with a quick scroll through craigslist.

Plus,  If you’ve gotta spend money to make money, what do you do if you haven’t got any to spend?  I guess you and those like you just go extinct.  But where does that end?  What happens when your advantage isn’t advantage anymore?

We all have to live on this court and when there’s no one left to beat, even the winners lose. (Once Michael Jordan got bored with being the best basketball player ever, he had the fortune of being one of if no the worst baseball player ever.)

There’s always someone at the bottom and “make it take it” is a vicious circle that eventually wipes everyone out.

We can choose something else, though.

Wouldn’t it be better to respect your opponents and see everyone’s standards raised?  To keep the game you love to win going instead of this desperate rush to the top only to be toppled by the next generation of younger, more advantaged players just as eager to ruin the game as you were?

If not, know that the rest of us look forward to laughing at you when (not if) they beat the pants off you.

 

*ironically, many don’t even believe in the theory of evolution.

Czars Stars

We have this joke reward system that started on the last Invincible Czars Nosferatu tour. When someone (in or not in the band) does something remarkable or really helpful, they get a Czar Star.

At some point, actual, physical Czar Stars started showing up… and I’m not even the one doling them out!

But if I was, here’re some of the things that I think deserve Czars Stars. If you do these things for your band, you probably go un or under recognized by your band mates but not by me. (Some of these are really specific to the Czars and our upcoming tour. If you did these, thank you!)

1) Playing a near perfect show nearly every night.

2) Maintaining the web presence – web site, social media.

3) Making Facebook event pages for every show. (oh, did you check to see if someone else made one already? Damn. That was a waste of time.)

4) Booking the shows. (this could be a full time job on its own)

5) Contacting press, radio, other media ON TIME (this could be a full time job on its own)

6) Having artwork/photos made and properly formatted for various uses. (CDs, posters, web graphics, t-shirts, etc.) THIS IS HUGE and nearly everything else on this list depends upon it. Artwork and images go everywhere – web site, videos, merchandise, press lists, social media.

7) Video shooting and editing (if you’re not someone who already knows about this and you take it on, you get 5 additional stars)

8) Making a pre-show playlist

9) Finding lodging

10) Selling merchandise

11) Determining day to day scheduling (departure time, arrival time, dinner time, load in time, show time, strike time, sleep time, etc.)

12) Loading

13) Driving

14) Managing the Merchandise (inventory, storage, pricing, signage and display, payment options like credit card readers, online sales, finding the best places to have it made, etc. This is another huge time consuming job!)

15) Contributing money to keep the bus moving.

16) Writing marketing language and descriptive language and knowing the difference between the two

17) Writing the music

18) Running Sound

19) Playing instruments (including electronics) you don’t normally

20) Providing transportation and maintaining it

21) Providing the practice space

22) Communicating with fans – in person or online

23) Making recordings and formatting them for various uses (CD, web, vinyl, whatever)

24) Dealing with any kind of legal issues (copyrights, insurance, etc.)

25) Accounting and Taxes

26) Cooking and cleaning

27) Getting your band out of any sticky situation

28) Remaining positive in the face of not so positive circumstances

I think it’s worth noting that simply stating a good idea isn’t on this list. Good ideas deserve recognition, no doubt, but they don’t really deserve a Czar Star until they become reality.

ex: let’s tour Europe, get our own sound/light person, make some merchandise everyone wants, break into college campus gigs, shoot a high quality video that’s fun to watch, play with an orchesrta, write a hit song, etc.

Those all sound good but realizing them takes way, WAY more time, effort and luck than just dreaming them up.

There are tons of idea-people out there who can make long, long lists of to do items but when it comes to actually executing those ideas, very few people actually make it happen.

You may never get a Czar Star because all that behind the scenes stuff doesn’t seem to matter to people who’ve never felt the pain of doing (or not doing) those things. It’s behind the scenes and if you’re doing it right, hardly anyone notices. You’re like the Navy SEAL of your band. You’re beyond Czar Stars.

Aging Hipsters

Hulk

Today I’m 10X as old as I was in this photo.

It’s been a while since I wrote.  The usual holiday melee came on the heels of a surprisingly successful silent film tour in October.  Getting time to collect my thoughts has been difficult.

 

But today, I’m 40.  Gotta put something up today.

 

I’ve spent the last year feeling like I’m already 40 and many years dreading it.  But as it approached, I’ve felt better and better about it.  Big thanks to Reed Burnam whose thoughts on 40 helped make that the case.  It took three years for those thoughts to settle in my brain, but I’m there.

 

It seems like losing relevance and fear of not measuring up are the big things that scare us about 40 – or any milestone age.   I’ve been thinking a lot about the first one.
For me, a fear of loss of relevance has long seemed ridiculous.  Who/what is relevant?  And to what?

 

It seems most peoples’ answers to both lies with the coveted teen-to-young-adult demographic and the zeitgeist surrounding them.

 
Throughout my life, I’ve heard adults (usually parents) say things like, “I don’t know what’s cool anymore.”   I have a specific memory of my Aunt Diane saying this and thinking – this is going to happen to me someday.

 

I finally had a brush with that about 5 years ago when I found myself managing high school aged interns at my day job.  During that period, I went from being the same age as their older siblings and cousins to being the same age as their parents.  We often listened to music and I realized I was way out of touch with what young people were listening to at the time.  Not a single one of them listened to rock music.  They liked more dance-pop and hip-hop/rap.  Drake and Rihanna were big with them. When I played Guns n Roses “Sweet Child o’ Mine” only one of them recognized it (thanks Guitar Hero!).  They thought what I listened to was mostly very, very weird and lots of times very old.  It is pretty weird actually… I mean, I listen to pretty off-the-wall stuff even among most people my age. I also I got on a Louis Armstrong kick on Pandora which seemed ancient to the interns.

 

My music taste wasn’t relevant to them. They had no context for it.

 

I thought – wow… I’m officially uncool.   Then I thought, “but I never have been.”   Not even when I was a late teen and young adult.  I still find Radiohead boring.  Nu-metal put me off metal for a long time.

 

But even writing myself off (or on?) as an outsider isn’t totally accurate.  Afterall, I “discovered” Faith No More and Nirvana the same way the interns discovered Drake and Rihanna — mass media.   In my case, MTV and the multiple rock radio stations in DFW that all played the same 14 songs over and over all day.

 

And just like me with Drake and Rihanna, people my parents’ age weren’t paying attention.  Nirvana went on to have an almost Beatles level of popularity and 15 years after Kurt Cobain’s death, my dad bought a copy of Nervermind when VH-1 included it on their list of the greatest albums of all time.  He listened to it and likes it… but In 1991, it was just another tape of kids’ music that seemed irrelevant to him.  He paid it no attention.

To my interns, I was just another “old” person at their job paying no attention to their interests.    Most of them came to appreciate my youthful spirit.  One of them was shocked when he learned I was 37 — and younger that Cee-Lo Green.  He guessed 25.  Bless him.

And there’s where the relativity of relevance is apparent.  25 seems almost a whole life away to a 15 year old.  37 is even harder to grasp for them.

Relevance is relative to the beholder’s context.  My aunt may not have known what was cool to her kids but this is a woman with hundreds of friends and connections.  Among her peers, she’s pretty cool.

 

Big media’s roll in our experiences and tastes does’t make them any more or less relevant to you or those around you.

Cool young adults may have become the pop culture taste makers but theirs is not the only experience.  The 5-7 year period of young adulthood is less than 10% of life expectancy.  The idea that 90% of our lives are somehow not relevant is absurd especially considering the achievements by people older (or younger!) than 18-23.

What’s “cool” changes as we age and gain more experience.  The first live show I ever saw as an Austin resident was a Thrill Jockey band from Chicago who I won’t name at Stubb’s.  I loved the guitarist!  I pulled the CD out for the first time in a very long a few years ago and… it was so boring to me.  There’s not a single melody on the album.  Just lots of cool rhythmic stuff and some solos.  Now it sounds to me like a musical cheese pizza – a good foundation served without any toppings.  Some people like cheese pizza. I sure did.

In spite of our evolving tastes, our desire to be forever young makes us jealous of young adults and lately the curmudgeonly use of  “hipster” as a derogatory term has come into everyday language.  To me, this seems like a modern day version of “young whipper snapper” and only confirms one’s status as a cranky old fart.

Most people I hear complaining about hipsters WERE hipsters… or ARE hipsters that’ve just aged out of young adulthood and feel left behind.  I think the best solution to that is simply to participate!

And that’s all that young people are really doing.  They’re presented with something and they participate.   It’s only those of us who’ve aged that think we have anything to lose by trying something new.  Silly.

Throughout my 20s,  I met lots of  people older than me that I referred to as aging hipsters before the term came to be a negative epithet.  They defy the stereotype of straight laced, white bread and seemingly boring adults I knew as a teenager.  They retain their youthful sense of adventure and willingness to try/learn new things without falling into the common traps of drug addiction or bad relationships.  They have few responsibilities but are not irresponsible.  Their path is far, far more appealing than that of the cranky old fart full of regrets. Many have been my best friends, band mates and colleagues. I’m happy today to have aged into their ranks!

 

 

My Own Fear of Success

It occurred to me that doing a series on development is kind of redundant.  I mean… this whole blog is about development.

This week I wrote about my own fear of success.  Skip it if you don’t like my entries that are more journal-like.
Fear of success seems absurd.  We’re all trying to succeed all the time, right?  Fear of failure seems logical.  We don’t want to fail.

I experienced fear of success on the most recent Invincible Czars tour and it didn’t seem absurd.  Here’s what happened.

I/we chose to write a score to the silent film Nosferatu after many requests and suggestions from people at our shows.  I was reticent even after acquiescing.  In my mind, Nosferatu is so very done in the world of silent film accompaniment.  Every little art house cinema in a town with a metal band, an community orchestra or an electronica act has had the idea to show Nosferatu at Halloween with live accompaniment.  There are tons of new scores for this movie out there.  Not only that, the original score has been found and a DVD of the movie featuring it is available now.

But, once I decided to do it, I delved in.

Of course, we decided to do it for Halloween and I spent six months of daily work writing, refining and recording the music, finding venues and dealing with booking and promoting and creating all the materials to do so (flyers, post cards, marketing language, video previews, a band photo) and the merchandise.  I didn’t have to do this all alone but I knew I was the lynch pin with all this stuff coming together.

There were a bunch of little successes throughout that process.  We made a surprisingly good recording that was done BEFORE the shows for once.  We also had killer (ha!) artwork and a tour of nothing but silent movie performances — no rock shows to connect the dots.  That was a big success.  I’d dreamt of one day doing this and it actually happened!

On the non-music side, I spent many, many hours and days working on our van (Van Halen) this summer.  It continued falling apart all the way through the end of the tour.  It’s amazing that it we made it anywhere but all those hours paid off.  I was able to keep it moving, albeit slowly at times, throughout the tour.

In fact, our engine started misfiring again (after six weeks of smooth sailing) only 3 hours into  the tour and we stumbled into Huntsville, TX.  At the time I thought, “This day is just a sign of what was to come… ugh.”
Based on the past, we’d made  the same amount of merchandise we usually make for a tour – not much.   We made a few posters for the first time hoping we’d sell half of them.

We were pleasantly surprised to play for a full house that night and I was shocked that we very nearly sold out of all our t-shirts, sold most of our posters and about half our CDs.  We still had 17 more shows to go!  gadzooks!  We scrambled to get more of everything made and were barely keeping up with demand for the whole rest of the tour.
(Thank you to anyone reading this who bought a t-shirt and let us mail them to you later!)

That day did turn out to be a sign of what was to come but not in the way I’d expected.  People were telling their friends and family in other towns to come see us when we were passing through other places.  The media actually picked up on it and we were the recommended thing to do that week in nearly every town we played.    We beat our record for single-day merchandise sales on this tour!

But I couldn’t get positive about it.  Everyone was revelling in our success after a sold out Tuesday night in Pensacola, when I launched into this negative spiral that must surely have confused and confounded my bandmates.  The next day, it occurred to me that I was complaining about our success.

Now that’s absurd.

But my fear wasn’t going away.  I decided to write down everything that had me feeling scared about a tour that, for once, was doing better than just breaking even on costs.  Those fears included:

  • This string of full houses is going to end and then everyone’s going to be disappointed and morale will be even worse than if we’d had mediocre shows all along.  Just as the others praised me for lucking into these successes, they’ll all turn on me as soon as we have an off night.
  • Now the bar’s set higher.  Not only does our old standard for a “good” night of merchandise sales suddenly look paltry, but everyone’s going to expect it to be this to be the new norm.  When it gets back to the old norm, I’ll be the one to blame.
  • This is a lucky one-time success.  It’s great that we’re riding this wave for now but I don’t think I can recreate this again and again.
  • What if this is as good as it gets and I’ve peaked?  Is it all down hill from here?
  • I like doing the silent movies but it’s not all that we do.  We may be building an audience but it’s just for one aspect of what we do.  This movie is the draw, not us. The artwork is better than the music.  We’ll never see these faces again.
  • I’m not even challenging myself out here.  My parts are so easy, I don’t even need to warm up to play them.  Am I growing as a player or just plateauing with this?
  • The van’s going to die out here and all our resources will be pooled into fixing it just to keep moving.  No one will be happy to see their cut of the income go to a van rental company even if we keep on having good attendance.

(Out of all of those, the last one is the only one I should’ve been worried about.)

After I wrote all that stuff down, I realized that I was scared of success.  What a weird place to be.  Failure, by contrast, didn’t scare me.  I’ve dealth with that a lot before and feel confident I can deal with it again.  Hell,  I already had plan B and plan C ready go.  So ready to go in fact it was almost as if I was disappointed that I wouldn’t get to put them in action.

This success seemed to me like beating a level of space invaders where the reward is a chance to keep playing the game but now the space invaders are moving faster… and you’re not!   There’s an instant where you’re still in disbelief that you cleared that last level as a whole new and more difficult set of space invaders bears down on you.  (This reminds me of my own entry about Proving It.)

Six months of work resulted in 18 amazing shows in 17 days.  Coming off that is… not brutal but it’s the most difficult “Now What?” I’ve faced in a long, long time.  So now I guess get to play space invaders some more.  Good thing I like the game.

 

Development Part 4 – Build A Network

How often do you hear or say something like, “That band only gets to play on weekends because the singer is the owner’s girlfriend.”

Well… yeah.  Get used to that.

Other than your skills and talents, your network may be the most important tool for growth that you can develop.  It can affect everything from show attendance to booking opportunities to better recordings to guidance.

We’ve all heard that It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.   Simply being good isn’t enough.  You have to already be good to even be considered.  That’s a private victory.  Plus, “good” is relative and simply being good doesn’t mean you can create a career.  You have to make enough other people care about how good you are.

Steve Vai is unbelievable and yet you never hear about him unless you dig into that world of guitar wizardry and the music nerds who pay attention to him.  Casual listeners don’t have a context for that stuff until someone creates it.

In the late 80s, only the “bad kids” and skaters listened to Metallica.  Parents and teachers in the bible belt town where I went to school called the music satanic.  But by 1991, I was hearing “Enter Sandman” out of the cars of all the jocks, ropers and cheerleaders in at my high school.   Many factors came together to create a context for what Metallica did.   They were already huge in the world of metal. They already had a lot of fans worldwide, a major label deal and business team.  In 1991, there was a major turn in what radio and MTV were playing as tastes moved from dance-pop  (Janet Jackson) and glam-metal (Poison) to bands like Faith No More and Nirvana.  Metallica also released their most mainstream album ever right at that moment and kind of met casual listeners in the middle of all that.

That kind of context can only be created by a massive network of fans, talent buyers, booking agents, managers, promoters, etc. etc.  By 1991, Metallica’s network was enormous.

Each of us, no matter how introverted, has a network on which we rely — even if it’s just our family and friends.   The more that you cultivate it, the more you can turn to it when in need — something that many of us seem reluctant to do because we want to do “it” ourselves.  We can’t all be good at everything.  In fact, none of us can.  Even the highest ranked A-Listers have a network and people who help them.

Here’s a list of roles/people in your network:

  • Fans – if someone likes your music, you automatically have something in common with them because you like it, too.   Amanda Palmer is the queen of developing a network of fans.  Take interest in stuff they care about – even/especially if it’s not your band!
  • Family – Check out the video below about David Lee Roth’s multi-millionaire father. How could that connection NOT have helped David Lee and Van Halen’s careers?  Don’t ignore these connections or take them for granted.  Include your family members but don’t exploit them.

 

  • Friends – every musician has to have early adopters.  These are usually your friends!  Even if they don’t love your music, they’ll support you just because you’re you.  This is also helpful in non-music contexts.  The only way to have friends is to be a friend.  Go to their happenings.  Care!
  • Media – you’re bound to meet someone in the media who likes you – even if it’s just some guy who runs a badly edited monthly fanzine.  Keep them updated.  Be friendly.  Don’t just spam them with “band plays show” emails.  You never know what they’ll pick up for a story.  I’m often surprised by what interests journalists and reporters and what doesn’t.
  • Talent Buyers/Booking Agents/Venues – re-read the first sentence of this entry.  Everyone hates contacting strangers and trying to sell them on your band.  These are the first gatekeepers you will encounter in the music business.  The longer you know them and the more they like you, the easier your communications with them will be.
  • Other Like-Minded Businesses and Organizations – are you into animal rights, comic books, sewing, tattoos, politics, sports, vintage clothing, etc?  There’s probably some organization or business for that and a whole network of like-minded folks who might like what you do.  Don’t brow beat them – genuinely be a part of what they do and let opportunities arise.  Maybe they need a band for an event – or maybe you’ll make friends with someone who loves what you do and spreads the word for you.   In a town like Austin, we’re often connected by more than one interest.  Your new dungeon master could be high up at C3.
  • Other musicians – this is huge and part of the reason Austin’s such a cool place.  We’re all sharing information and ideas all the time.  Success for your friends’ bands tends to trickle down.  How could Mike Patton joining Faith No More NOT have helped Mr. Bungle?

So how to you build the network?  Simply be a helpful part of it.